Your Body Isn’t Failing You ~ Navigating Weight & Self-Care in Perimenopause
In a recent candid interview I read, the TV presenter and menopause campaigner Lisa Snowdon spoke openly about gaining three stone during perimenopause - and the emotional, physical and social complexities that followed.
Her story, like those of so many, sits at the tension point between two forces many women gaining weight in midlife grapple with - the drive for more self-control and the quiet longing for self-acceptance.
In this blog, I explore why the way women connect with their changing bodies matters - not just for their health, but for their emotional wellbeing.
Why Weight Changes in Perimenopause Are Not a Personal Failure
As a BANT Registered Nutritional Therapy and Behaviour Change Practitioner specialising in disordered eating, I frequently meet women in their middle years who are experiencing shifts in how their bodies behave and look - and who are trying to make sense of an internal tug-of-war between powerful urges to to attempt to better ‘control’ their weight, shape or size or health - and an nagging inner desire to feel more accepting of themselves and their changing bodies.
Perhaps you’ve noticed your own shape shifting, your appetite changing or your energy waning. Maybe your clothes no longer fit as they once did. Maybe you’re doing everything “right,” and yet it feels like your body is no longer responding in the way it used to.
You may have received the message that your body is failing or misbehaving - and it may even feel like it is at times. But the reality is your body isn’t misbehaving - it is simply evolving.
Midlife (not dissimilarly to puberty) brings profound biological changes for a woman. Hormonal shifts, particularly declining oestrogen, can affect fat distribution, insulin sensitivity, muscle mass, sleep quality and even hunger and satiety signals. In short, your body’s needs are changing and this phase invites you to adapt.
While menopause can bring many symptoms, weight gain is the one I focus on in this blog - not because it’s the most important but because it so often becomes a source of confusion, shame and struggle.
So, DOES PERIMENOPAUSE ALWAYS LEAD TO WEIGHT GAIN?
Not always - but weight gain during perimenopause is extremely common, and for good reason.
As oestrogen declines the body undergoes a series of metabolic and hormonal shifts:
Fat storage patterns change
Insulin sensitivity may decrease
Muscle mass naturally declines
Sleep can be disrupted
Hunger and fullness cues may shift
Stress levels often rise
All of this can affect body composition, energy and appetite - sometimes even when daily habits haven’t changed much at all.
MOVING FROM SELF-CONTROL TO SELF-CARE
If you do experience mid-life or menopausal weight gain, it’s completely understandable in our culture to feel strongly compelled to try to “do something” in response.
Unfortunately, we live in a culture that equates thinness with health, ageing with decline and discipline with virtue. You’ve probably seen these kind of shaming sales messages online: “Melt Menopause Belly Fat Fast!”, “Reset Your Hormones and Drop 2 Dress Sizes” or “Fight Ageing and Get Your Body Back”.
Within the diet culture framework, weight gain is frequently misinterpreted as a lapse in willpower.
So, in a bid to tackle body changes, many women can find themselves toggling between episodes of self-imposed “clean eating,” intermittent fasting, calorie counting, carb restriction or intense exercise - along with moments of rebellion, emotional eating or overwhelm.
For some women, this pressure tips into something more significant. The body changes and cultural pressures of perimenopause can trigger or intensify a more complicated relationship with food - the urge to restrict, the restrict-binge cycle, emotional eating as a response to stress and disrupted sleep, or a resurgence of older patterns around food and body. These are not uncommon in midlife. If any of this resonates alongside the body image and nourishment themes in this blog, it may be worth exploring specialist support rather than self-help strategies alone.
For all women navigating this, one thing is clear: the idea that our weight is fully within our conscious control - at any age, and especially during this transitional life stage - is both outdated and unhelpful. And, by overvaluing the role of weight in health and of weight loss as a means to acquire health, and by hyper-focusing on approaches to drive intentional weight loss - the risk is we fuel a cycle of guilt and overcorrection - pulling women into patterns of restriction, self-monitoring and mistrust. Ironically, these same patterns can place added stress on the body and, over time, may even contribute to weight gain in some cases.
Lisa Snowdon herself articulates a push and pull between wanting to enjoy life freely and feeling the pressure to rein things back in. This back and forth isn’t a personal ‘weakness’ - it is what happens when your body’s needs are changing but the tools we’re typically taught to rely on - things like dietary restriction, calorie or macro control, rigid fitness routines and sheer willpower - no longer serve us.
This is why the real purpose behind adapting self-care at this age and stage, shouldn’t be about trying to control your body weight out of fear or pressure - it should really be about remaining in - or nurturing - a compassionate, supportive relationship with a body that is changing.
Real self-care during this midlife doesn’t look like attempts to get our old bodies back or getting in a battle with our bellies. It’s about learning how to support the body we live in now - with more nourishment, more consistency, more rest and more compassion.
Even then, the reality is that body shape, weight or size may or may not change in response - even if we felt better and are supporting our health in other ways. Genetics, food history, past dieting and weight cycling, stress levels, certain health conditions and hormonal shifts all work behind the scenes influencing how our bodies settle when it comes to weight, shape and size.
An Intuitive Approach to Midlife Nourishment
Here are a few gentle principles I offer women who are looking to move beyond the control-acceptance pendulum and into something more grounded, attuned and sustainable:
1. Respect the body you’re in
Weight gain is not a moral failing. It may be a sign that your body is adjusting, protecting or seeking new rhythms. Weight changes (and other uncomfortable symptoms) are not personal failings - but they can be signals worth paying attention to and opportunities to support your body more gently and intentionally, should you choose to.
Body respect doesn’t require you to love how your body looks. It simply means treating it with care, dignity and compassion - especially as it moves through the natural ups and downs of change.
2. Honour hunger and energy needs
Menopausal bodies often require different rhythms of eating. Skipping meals or extending fasts can undermine energy, sleep, mood and metabolism. Trust that your hunger is not your enemy - it is your body’s intelligent way of keeping you nourished.
3. Eat for satisfaction, not just function
Yes, nutrition matters - but so does pleasure. A nourishing diet includes foods that bring you joy, variety, and cultural or emotional meaning. Balanced eating is not about compensation (“I was ‘good’ today, so I can indulge tomorrow”) - it is about consistency, eating enough and finding satisfaction in your eating experiences.
In turn, this can help protect against cycles of deprivation and overeating, reduce food preoccupation and support a more peaceful, attuned relationship with food.
4. Support your nervous system
Ironically the stress of weight anxiety can itself affect health in ways that are rarely acknowledged. Yet chronic stress and internalised weight stigma have been shown to raise cortisol levels, increase cravings, impair sleep and even discourage people from engaging in supportive self-care behaviours.
Practices like gentle movement, nervous system regulation and rest may be just as critical to long-term health as what’s on your plate.
5. Let movement be rejuvenating
Exercise in midlife can be empowering but if it becomes punitive or relentless then it risks disconnecting us from our bodies. Choose movement that makes you feel strong, alive or connected. Some days that might be lifting weights. Other days it could be a walk in the woods or a slow stretch in your living room.
MY CONCLUSIONS
Midlife body changes are not a crisis or failure. But they can bring an opportunity to rethink how you relate to your body.
Supporting your body, particularly through perimenopause, is not about managing, ‘fixing’, applying endless self-discipline or following rigid food rules that have the potential to do more harm than good.
It’s about cultivating agency in your self-care, self-compassion, curiosity over judgement and a more expansive definition of health, whilst developing a more neutral relationship with your body image. After all, you don’t have to love every part of your body to listen to its needs and meet them with care and respect. You can also value what your body does for you, even if you’re still making peace with how it looks.
If you are struggling to feel at home in your changing body, or if perimenopause has brought up a more complicated relationship with food, you are not alone. My Food and Body Confidence Programmes offer a supported, non-diet approach to navigating midlife nourishment - at a pace that works for you. And if what you are experiencing feels more complex, my Nutritional Counselling service may be a better fit. A free enquiry call is always a good place to start.
Together, we’ll uncover what your body is asking for, and how to effectively nourish yourself - both with food and with compassion. Because this chapter of life doesn’t have to be a battle - it can be about care and connection with the body you’re in.
Take a nourishing step forward today
If this resonated with you, you don't have to navigate this alone. I offer nutritional therapy and behaviour change support for binge eating disorder, emotional eating, disordered eating and yo-yo dieting patterns, and I'd love to help you find your way back to more ease and trust with food.
Explore my support options or book a confidential, no-obligation enquiry call to see if working together feels right.
