Is Someone at Your Table Struggling with Food or their Body? How to Approach the Festive Season with Sensitivity
In a season of celebration, food and social gatherings, it is easy to overlook just how difficult this time of year can be for someone living with disordered eating or struggling with body image. Even well-meaning comments about food or appearance can have unintended impact - especially as these challenges aren’t always outwardly visible.
This blog is an invitation to reflect on the language we use and how a few small changes can help create a more supportive space around the table this festive season.
Why wHAT WE SAY matters
Disordered eating and body dissatisfaction are more common than many people realise. Research suggests that more than one in five adults in the UK report feeling shame about their body and around 16% show signs of disordered eating behaviours - including chronic dieting, bingeing or obsessive food thoughts.
You may not know who is finding it hard as disordered eating doesn’t have a particular look and can affect people of all sizes, genders and backgrounds. Sometimes the challenges are well hidden by the people affected.
But for those struggling in this way, festive events can bring up more challenges than meet the eye. The pressure to “join in”, the visibility of social gatherings and the casual commentary that often surrounds food and appearance can all leave some people feeling exposed and anxious.
We don’t always know what someone else is carrying which is why it matters to create environments that feel less judgemental and more inclusive. While it might never be your intention to cause discomfort, it can be helpful to be aware that there are certain patterns of language that are known to be difficult for many people - especially those recovering from an eating disorder, but really for anyone actively trying to untangle themselves from chronic dieting, food guilt or internalised body shame.
So what helps? Below are a few things to be mindful of. Of course I understand the concern that we now live in a culture where people can feel under pressure to watch every word. Hence, I am keen not to layout scripts or rules, but I have tried to provide some thoughtful information and prompts that may just support greater inclusion and compassion this festive season.
CHAT to be mindful of
Labelling food as “good” or “bad”
It may seem harmless to say you’re being “naughty” for eating something rich or indulgent or to describe a dish as the “guilt-free” option, but even when meant in good humour, this kind of language inadvertently assigns a moral value to food. For someone who is working on rebuilding trust around food and giving themselves permission to eat without guilt or shame, this can reinforce a mindset they are trying very hard to move beyond.
In reality there is no need to add narrative to food or to justify what’s on your plate or anyone else’s. However, if you do choose to comment, can you try using neutral or descriptive language, or simply express enjoyment? For example, “This is delicious!” Or, simply don’t comment on the food at all.
Diet talk and compensation language
Phrases like “I’ll make up for this tomorrow” or “I need to be good again in January” are so normalised that we often don’t notice them. But for many people, they reinforce a punishing relationship with food and body which can in turn make it much harder to stay present and at ease.
If you find yourself slipping into this kind of language then you are not alone. It can be a deeply ingrained habit, especially in social settings where diet talk is common. So if you do say something you later feel unsure about, that’s ok.
If you are able to pause in the moment, you might just ask yourself: “Does this open up connection or could it feed comparison or discomfort for someone else?” Sometimes that small moment of consideration is all it takes to shift the tone.
Comments on appearance, even well-meaning ones
Complimenting someone’s weight loss or shape may seem like a kind thing to do but in reality it reinforces the idea that thinner equals better, or that their value is related to their body size. The other issue is you may not always know what their weight loss reflects, for example, it could be illness, grief, stress, an eating disorder or something else someone is actively trying to recover from.
If you feel moved to comment on someone’s appearance, try noticing what really shines about them - their outfit, their hair, their energy - but when it comes to weight or shape, consider leaving it unsaid and simply ask how they are.
Policing what or how much someone eats
Pushing food on someone who says they have had enough, or commenting on someone going back for seconds, can leave people food feeling exposed or ashamed, especially those who are already struggling this domain. Everyone’s relationship with food is very different. Respecting other’s choices without question or commentary can allow everyone to feel more at ease.
And if diet talk does start-up…
Even if no one in the room is currently experiencing food or body challenges, it can be worth remembering that conversations about dieting and the language we use in those conversations can still play a part in upholding and reinforcing certain cultural ideas about food, weight and self-worth that are often unhelpful and sometimes harmful.
If the conversation does turn to dieting, remember that you don’t need to join in, or that sometimes a simple change of subject can be enough to move things along.
MY CONCLUSIONS
You never know who around your table might be finding things difficult. Small but sensitive shifts in how we speak about food and appearance can make a significant difference to the wellbeing of others - and potentially your own too. Stay aware and stay compassionate this festive season.
Take a nourishing step forward today
Are worries about food, weight or overeating draining your time, energy and peace of mind? Are you struggling with low mood, persistent food cravings, poor gut health or digestive challenges?
Old mindsets and habits can be hard to shift on your own. If you are looking to find peace with food and your body, and eat with more confidence and ease, I can help you.
Please check out my private programmes here, or book an exploratory chat to find out more.
